I find that I appreciate severely different ideas than the average person. And part of coming into myself has been allowing myself to embrace these things that I agree with/believe in. And in doing so, I have found community with people that I sincerely love and that love me, (or at the very least, we see each other for who we truly are).
"I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." (-Kurt Cobain)
While I don’t enjoy the idea of being hated, at least I am authentic and attract like-minded people rather than wading through people that are trying to idealize me into a box of their own making (which is what happens when you live passively, in my experience.)
So if it’s radical or out there or exciting but you really wanna do it, go for it (provided you’re not hurting anyone without their consent)!
Now… time to not only talk the talk, but walk the walk… :) Be who you are!!!
I absolutely LOVE when I tell someone something about myself (a “story”), and realize it no longer fits me. I love stepping back and saying, “Actually, that used to be true for me. It doesn’t really describe me anymore.”
Challenging myself, growing, improving and finding my new norms and then seeing progress causes further inspiration. It’s like a never-ending cycle of AWESOME.
I really like being my own primary. The easiest for me is to have two to three secondaries (depending on how busy my life is).
The dude that I currently/still refer to as Boyfriend… he’s got a busy life. As do I. We see each other once or twice a week and it’s perfect. We are not in contact every day, unless there’s news or one of us really needs to talk (although we have other friends for that as well), but we get along well and I still quite admire his brain. He’s radically independent and I really love that in him.
The other guy that I’m seeing… he’s an official ex and although we trip through/over our dynamic often, we really enjoy each other’s company. We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, but we each have these magical things called “open minds” and “respect”. It can be nice to step back and view the world through different eyes. We also don’t feel the need to impress each other, and have long-term love for each other. He feels like family. We see each other once or twice a week, and don’t talk every day. We go on mini-vacations occasionally. We support and take care of each other. We’re comfortable.
Both of these guys are aware of each other and don’t really have much to say on the topic as this is my life. I am my primary. I make all of my own big decisions and I notify them of the outcomes. We all schedule accordingly. These two guys are vastly different from each other, so I don’t ever have a scheduling conflict or “who do I want to take with me to X?!” because they have very little common interests. And there are still a number of things that neither of them are interested in that I am, so I still to do a number of things alone, without question/conflict, or with other friends.
I don’t know if I’ll ever truly move into the idea that I want a primary. I am the type to not be tied down and, not saying that having a primary would, but I like to have a lot of independance and not having to worry about checking with so-and-so to see if . I also date others from time to time, although it’s definitely more of a tertiary setup, if anything. Really, I don’t feel the need for labels. I’ve been thinking of doing away with all labels, really. Introducing people by their names and referring to them as “friend”. I mean, really, no one needs to know what dynamic we have and with labeling also comes re-labeling, which can cause unnecessary stress. Down with labels! Up with love! And do what makes you happy. :)